i’m so hurt… so damn hurt… ;(
January 12, 2007
god-slittleangel
My heart is achin. I can really feel it. It looks like it has been broken. Ohhh…it contain so much scars. It’s bleeding. I don’t know how to carry it. It makes my eyes shed some tears; not just some, but many a tear. How can i cure this? I don’t have a first aid kit. A band aid couldn’t stop it from bleeding. What medicine will i drink? What ointment will i put? Will i inject it with anesthesia in order for me to barely feel anything; to make it numb? Oh God…i don’t know what to do. I just don’t. I pity myself. Why are all these things happening to me? Do i deserve it? Do i deserve to be hurt??? Anyone tell me… i know in some little ways…i’m kind of hurting other people; without me noticing it. But I don’t intend to do it. Why not? ‘Cause I would be more hurt if I see some people are hurt. More if it’s because of me.
God made us. He truly intended to put our minds over our hearts; to think thouroughly before doing such actions. He gave us intellects. We are the most intellectual beings whom He had made. But how come I’m acting such a fool? A person with a little of it? Whew! Sometimes I thought that I’m not really as intelligent as other people say. Most often I don’t make right decisions. Ohhh… who’s the one to help? Is it one person? Or persons? Is there? Are there??? After all… I know it will always be me! Many people can give advices. But it’s up to me if I follow it, shift to my plan, make my own decisions; everything!!! It’s all in my hands. I’m the one’s who’s gonna hold of my life. I’m responsible of carrying it, holding it, managing it, playing it, make it productive or not. But it seems that I’m not good at this. I don’t know. Is this because of me being still immature? If it is… When? When will a childish like me mature? When can I come up with right decisions? I really suffer from the consequences life is bringing me. Sooner or later…I may lose hope. I may not be able to fight it anymore. I may not have the strength and courage to go on. Ohhh no…will I let it happen? Will you???
I don’t know but I think I gave up my happiness because of a person that I sometimes think, and some people think that I don’t deserve. And the one that I’ve hurt, I know he’s not the only one but next to God… I think he’s the person whom I’ve hurt the most. He doesn’t deserve this. Oh…I do know he doesn’t. baby I’m so sorry. I thank you for everything. Everyday I think of you. I miss you; I’m longing for you. I wanted to see you but if ever our ways crossed, I don’t know what to do and what to feel. Will I talk to you? Will you talk to me? I’m thinking if I really have a mind. Most often I doubt. ‘Cause why did I come up to this? Why have I hurt you? Why did all of these things happen? I hate myself. I hate me for hurting you. baby…I love you. But I just don’t know why I can’t fight for you? But on the other hand… because of reading such books and praying… I think it’s not yet the right time. Maybe in time we’ll see each other; start again. Spend a chapter in our lives, together, as friends or first maybe a stranger or even more than that. For now… I just hope you will always take care of yourself. Hope you will not forget that once in your life you met an “engot” like me. hihi You are always in my prayers. God Bless Always, baby!!! I miss you so much. And I will miss you more. I Love You!!! I hate goodbyes but I guess its goodbye for now. But see you again. mwah
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